Heart of Conviction: Nathan (Conviction Series Book 1) Read online

  My hand took hers squeezing it tightly. “Anything Sadie, even if you just need to talk to another adult. Don’t hesitate.”

  I never do this. I knew it did no good in forming these kinds of attachments. But something about Sadie Mosey needed me to reach out more. To give her a friend or something.

  “Princess, be good for mom and I will see you ladies Friday at six. Sally will have all the paperwork for you when you leave.”

  Hailey giggled, grabbing her mom’s hand. “I’m always good.”

  I patted her head and dipped my head at Sadie.

  I texted Red and let her know I was taking Sadie on as a patient. I hoped it didn’t bite me in the ass.

  “James, tell me about my patients today,” I called out to my intern. My one good deed. I hated teaching. I'm too young to be teaching anyone but here I am teaching.

  James jogged in out of breath. “Dr. Valentine! I'm sorry I had to—’

  I cut him off. “I don’t care and start listing who I am seeing today.”

  I worked six am to four pm on a normal day. That was Mondays and Fridays. Tuesday thru Thursday I was in the office from six am to noon and from noon until whenever I traveled between the center and the hospital.

  “We have four baby wellness checks, seven prenatal appointments, and a few sick kids.”

  My brow raised. “That is not what I asked of you.”

  I lived to rile up the little med students they sent to me. His eyes squinted and he cleared his throat.

  “Sir, our first patient of the day—”

  I listened to him give me a detailed briefing on everyone we were going to see today.

  “That is more like it Dr.Cornell.” I snarked. I hated but loved this intern. He showed real promise, but his ego was too big for my taste.

  “All right, oh, could you please make sure Patty knows about a last-minute prenatal follow-up from the clinic? I have her coming in for echocardiography.”

  “Can I sit in on that? I had never seen echocardiography done!”

  “No.” I knew I was being irrational but I did not want him anywhere near Sadie. Something about the blue eyed beauty made me a possessive man.

  “Dr. Valentine, I think a procedure like that would be beneficial to my education.” James pushed further.

  He had a valid point but he still wasn’t going to be part of Sadie’s.

  “I’ll set you up over at the hospital to see a few then but you aren’t coming into hers.” I compromised. He would still get the experience but not with Sadie.

  James furrowed his brow but didn’t argue further.

  I slapped my hand down on the desk and stood up. “All right, let’s see some patients.”

  We were finishing up the last patient before I had him sent to the hospital to watch echocardiography. I had him observing three. I talked to the tech saying maybe have him try to do one for a few minutes to get a feel for it.

  “Dr. Valentine, I need to thank you.”

  I looked up from my tablet baffled.

  “I had been through three other doctors, cardiology, general, and ortho.”

  “Okay.” I knew this already. I hated those particular doctors; they were too full of themselves and refused to keep up with the times and used intern med students as glorified assistants not teaching them shit.

  “You teach me. You might kick me here and there but only to make sure I understand what you are teaching me. You take the time to teach me what I need to learn.”

  “Well fuck, James, it’s going to be harder to hate on you now when you say shit like that.”

  The guy’s ears went red. “I didn’t realize—”

  “I don’t actually hate you, intern. But you don’t have to thank me. It’s my job to make you the best doctor you can be. Those fucking idiots shouldn’t be doctors, let alone teaching.”

  He nodded.

  I slapped his shoulder. “All right, I’m taking you over to see Tami. She is going to show you echocardiography.”

  When I enter the hospital my posture changes. My practice was home and I could do whatever I wanted. But here, I am expected to be professional. I had to turn on the Valentine charm that the world had come to expect. I fucking hated it.

  “You had done a rotation in the emergency room, haven’t you?” I asked James.

  “No, sir, it’s next after you.”

  I hummed. I hated how quick rotations are sometimes. I knew it was needed for those who needed to pick a specialty or secure what they wanted to do.

  I was an overachiever and thank fuck I had graduated early so I could have double specialties. Technically, if I wanted to be more accurate, I also could do fetal surgery but I rarely did it. It had to be a special case.

  “Has anything spoken to you yet?” I asked him. I gave him shit but I did like having him around. James actually did the work; the last intern I had was a total basket case and stuttered every time we were with patients.

  “After two weeks with you, I think I really enjoy working with kids.”

  “Do you want kids?”

  Something in his posture changed. “Um, I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I think I might have a kid, but it was a one-night stand and I don’t even know her name. She told me, I freaked, and then she was gone.”

  I heard the regret in his tone. My jaw locked. I resented men like him. When you were given the gift of a child just to throw it away. The man I share genetic material with was like that. Made four kids and didn’t give two fucks about us.

  “I tried to find her a few months after she told me but it was as if she was a ghost.” He shifted his feet, never meeting my eyes.

  “Would you step up if you found her?” I curiosity got the best of me.

  “I don’t know it's been like five, six years. I feel like I would be a fraud.”

  I hummed I got what he meant but I would never have let the girl leave. When I had the choices I stepped up.

  I wished things turned out differently.

  The feeling of his calloused hand spread across my stomach was not something I could get out of my head. His entire palm covered my bump. I could still feel where his thumb rubbed a single circle.

  The single swipe had me swooning and dreaming naughty hormone driving fantasies. Dr. Nathan Valentine was the star of many sexy thoughts. And I couldn’t help it.

  I shook my head, clearing out the dangerous thoughts that were creeping in. I couldn’t go there, not with kids. My focus needed to be on my baby. He was my doctor and nothing more. Even if his card was burning a hole in my wallet, begging for me to text him.

  “We almost there mommy?” Hailey asked from the backseat.

  “Yes, baby.” I was nervous about seeing the doctor again, because I was aware of my attraction to him. And what he was going to tell me about my son.

  The building was modest, which made me feel better. After all the research I had done to make sure he was competent, I worried it would be too sophisticated for someone like me. I found during my Googling that he was young for all his accomplishments.

  I was more surprised when I walked into his office to find it homey. He had two long sofas and several lounge chairs, all in warm colors that accented the walls.

  “Hi, welcome to Dr. Valentine’s office.” A nurse with a high blonde ponytail greeted me. Her lips were thin with smile lines around them.

  “Hi, um. I had an appointment scheduled.” I knew my voice came out unsure. They called me yesterday to confirm with me, but it still felt unreal.

  She nodded her head. “Yes, Sadie Mosey for a fetal echocardiography, and a routine prenatal check. I will let them know you are here.”

  I nodded as she picked up the phone.

  I sat down, pulling Hailey into my lap. This couch was too comfortable after a long day on my feet, I could have easily fallen asleep. Do not close my eyes.

  My eyes drifted close a few times while Hailey happily looked through picture books they had on the e
nd tables.

  The next thing I knew, I felt my body shake. My eyes popped open, and they met with the odd eye color of Nathan Valentine.

  “Hey, are you feeling okay? We can reschedule if you’re tired.” His silky voice warmed over me.

  I shook my head. “No, these darn seats are too comfortable.”

  He laughed, standing up. “That is the first time I heard that as a complaint.”

  My eyes lingered over his body. He was so big. His frame was so large the scrubs he wore stretched across his muscles. His darker skin glowed like his amber eyes. Doctor Valentine was a god among men, and I was in trouble if my thoughts kept straying into dangerous territories.

  I stood, putting my hand out to take Hailey’s hand. “Um, are you ready for us?”

  He nodded. “Yes, we have Mandy ready for you in the room and after that, we will do your measurements and all that other fun stuff.”

  “Okay.”

  We followed him back to a room where a young, bubbly woman was messing with a fancy-looking ultrasound machine.

  “Hey, Mandy, are you ready for Sadie?” His rich voice made her jump.

  She quickly recovered and gave a flirty smile. “Yes, I am, Dr. Valentine.”

  I internalized my eye roll at her blatant flirting.

  “Good, now.” He squats down, getting eye level with my daughter. “Miss Hailey, I have this really cool table with books, crayons, and some awesome games for us while Miss Mandy checks out your little brother.”

  My daughter peeked around him to look at the table in question.

  “Think you could come play with me?” He put his hand out for her to take.

  She gave a shy smile placing her hand into his and together they went to the table.

  “All right, Sadie,” Mandy’s voice broke me from the adorable scene in front of me. “If you could climb on the table here and lift your shirt to your bra and pull your pants around the waist a bit.” Nathan’s huge frame was sitting in a tiny chair that should have smashed underneath him.

  I got onto the table and tried to get as comfortable as I could, considering I was about to be prodded at. But I did what she asked in the most comfortable position I could manage.

  “Dr. Valentine, I’m all set here if you need to go do some paperwork.” Mandy tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, batting her clunky mascara eyelashes.

  “I’ll be staying here to entertain princess Hailey.” He never looked over to her. And I couldn’t help but feel warmth in the pit of my stomach.

  Mandy’s eyes met mine and I could see some unasked questions in them. You and me both. I didn’t know why this hunk of a man was giving me his attention. I moved my eyes away from hers and looked to the ceiling and a small laugh escaped. On the tiles of the ceiling were quick comic strips of different humorous situations between pregnant women and men.

  Dr. Valentine’s deep chuckle followed. “I figured it would give the patients something to look at and take their mind off things.”

  I looked over at him. He gave me a very obvious smirk.

  “It’s genius.” I hope he could hear my mumbling mess, but that fucking smile had made my mind go fuzzy. I take my eyes back to the ceiling and read the different comic strips painted there.

  Mandy put the gel on my stomach and then I felt the pressure of the wand. “I’m going to take a few measurements before I switch over to the echocardiograph.”

  I bobbed my head to acknowledge her. I kept facing the ceiling. I didn't want to come across as a creeper because I knew if I didn’t look at the ceiling, my eye would go over to the doctor.

  The thump-thump of the heart echoed out of the speakers. I felt my body relax at the sound.

  “A nice strong heartbeat.” Mandy smiled.

  I let out a shaky breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I allowed myself to look over to the soft giggles and whispering.

  Hailey looked happy coloring with him. Nathan’s eyes never looked away from my daughter. He gave her all his attention.

  And the warm feeling was back. It had to be the hormones. I was into my second trimester and I was getting the stupid horny ones. Stupid horny hormones that are attracted to the big hot, so hot doctor that was showing such an amazing gentleness with my daughter.

  I sighed and listened to the click-click of the tech pressing buttons.

  “Okay, I am switching over now.”

  Whatever she was doing must have been what he was waiting for because he looked up from what he was doing. I watched his eyes dartover to the monitor.

  I let the sweet, reassuring, constant rhythm of my child’s heartbeat keep me as relaxed as possible while I tried not to freak out. I couldn’t think about why Dr. Valentine was staring at the screen with his brow furrowed.

  I didn't want to think about why he was getting up from the table and gave his full attention to the monitor where my baby’s heart was on display.

  “Is everything okay?” I finally asked. My heart was beating against my chest. I felt a lump form in my throat.

  Dr. Valentine looked at me, and his eyes took in my face. “Sadie.” His massive hand completely covered mine. “I promise everything will be okay. I wanted to see things firsthand before the pictures came through my email.”

  I chewed on my cheek. I wanted to believe him. But he was the best in his field. I had a hard time thinking he just wanted to look for the sake of looking.

  Mandy was concentrating hard on what she was doing

  “Enlarge that and take some video and stills.” He instructed.

  I wouldn’t look. I focused hard on what Hailey was doing. I couldn't worry about something I didn't know. He could want to make sure everything was clear.

  “Can we switch to 3-D? And — yes, that, thank you.” His voice was gruff as he gave orders.

  All I could think about was how I was going to take care of a sick baby all on my own. How was I going to give him a quality life? I could barely give Hailey a good life. Oh, god.

  I felt my hand being squeezed.

  “Don’t start worrying before we know what’s going on. Mandy got everything we needed. I’m going to do a quick check, and then we’ll talk about what I saw. Okay?”

  My brows pulled down. I wanted to know right then what he found. “Couldn’t you tell me now?”

  His thumb ran across my knuckles. “I can tell you it’s not the end of the world. I want to look over a few things after I examine you. I don’t have enough information to give you an official diagnosis.”

  I let out a puff of air. “Okay.”

  Mandy turned everything and left the room. Nathan ran his examination, all the while talking to Hailey to keep her engaged and make her feel a part of the process. Her huge smile was everything to me.

  “Okay, let’s take this to my office and we will talk.”

  “All right.” I resisted the need to chew on my lip or my nails.

  Hailey bypassed my hand and went for Nathan’s hand instead. I wanted to be upset, but it was too adorable watching the mammoth of a man hold her hand.

  I followed behind, listening to Nathan talk softly to her.

  “Take a seat.” He helped Hailey in one of the cushy chairs and I sat next to her.

  He took a seat and got on his tablet and started tapping on the screen. He addressed me after a few moments.

  “I have good news and bad.”

  I gulped. Oh God. This was it. “Okay, bad then good, if I get a choice.”

  “Bad news, I want to get a second opinion on my findings to confirm I have the right diagnoses.” He spoke with firm gentleness. “I don’t specialize in pediatric cardiology. But I have a prominent doctor in mind, and he agreed to a consultation. It will take a week to get confirmation.”

  I let out the air I was holding. I wanted to hide the tears that threatened to fall. There was something wrong with my baby boy.

  “Good news, if I’m right, your little man will only need one surgery to correct the problem. And it can wait until he’s b
orn. It’s very routine and simple.”

  My stomach dropped, and a lump formed in my throat. I couldn’t believe this. Why would this happen to my baby? I felt massive arms wrap around me, holding me together.

  “It’s going to be okay. I will not let anything happen.” His voice was soothing, and the vibrations felt good against my back.

  “Okay.” I whimpered.

  He held me for a while longer. It allowed me to breathe in his manly scent mixed with disinfectant.

  “Do you need a ride home? I know this is very overwhelming. I don’t want you to be unsafe with precious cargo.”

  I pulled away and looked at his face. This couldn’t be real. A man like him would never care about me this way.

  I knew the score with most men. They used me and left me with nothing. But this man, he had everything. Why would he care like this? Did he do this for every patient?

  I didn't know why my heart hurt thinking he would do this for others.

  “I think I’m okay to drive myself.”

  His lips pressed into a thin line. “Please text me to let me know you made it home safe.”

  “Okay.”

  My fingers tapped against the wood desk. Sadie only left fifteen minutes ago, and I couldn’t stop thinking about her. The way she felt in my arms. I could still smell the minty lotion from her skin.

  I thought I was reassuring with my diagnosis. My dumb ass should have known better. What mother would take my half-ass examination? It was a small heart murmur. It might not even need surgery. There was a ninety percent chance it would correct on its own. But I wasn’t specialized and didn’t want to tell her that. I knew Matt would get back to me shortly. We had gone to med school together. He went to pediatrics cardiology. We spent a lot of time together.

  I rubbed my hands down my face, and the lingering minty smell from Sadie invaded my nose. Fuck.

  My phone rang, jolting out of my I’m fucked thought train.

  “Dr. Valentine speaking.” I barked into the phone.

  A snort came through the speaker. “Hey, Nate.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. “Matt, hey I’m surprised you’re calling me already.”