Heart of Conviction: Nathan (Conviction Series Book 1) Read online

  I felt his eyes roll through the speaker.

  “You’re a brilliant doctor. So why the fuck are you sending me these ultrasounds to check?” He snapped.

  Matt’s blunt tone was exactly why he and I were friends. We always called each other out on our bullshit.

  “I wanted a second opinion from an actual cardiologist. You know, like real grown-up doctors do. They confirm their diagnosis with a specialist.” I was blowing smoke up his ass. I also knew I was too close, and I wanted to make sure I had this right. Sadie needed this to be perfect.

  “Shut the fuck up. Why are you being so fucking cautious? You always think you’re right and don’t give a fuck for anyone else's opinion.”

  He was right. I was being overly cautious with Sadie, but I didn’t want to think about why. There was no good explanation why I had formed an attachment after only two meetings.

  “For a pediatric cardiologist, you have a profanity problem.” I deflected.

  “Pot meet kettle.” He scoffed.

  “Did you only call me to give me shit or do you actually have a reason?”

  “I don’t know what is going on, but from what I can see, it’s a small murmur. It will have to be monitored. My recommendation would do one last check before the due date and then have it checked every wellness to see if it corrects on its own or if surgery will be necessary. Everything I’m sure you concluded to.”

  I sighed. It was exactly the conclusion I had come to. “Do you think you could do the checkup? If I give you the due date and call you when the baby is born, could you fit her in?”

  “Nate—”

  “As a personal favor. I know you are busy, probably as busy as me. But I would feel better if she was under your care.”

  “Is there something I should know about her? It’s not like you to ask for personal favors.”

  “Look, she went to the center and that fucking idiot couldn’t find himself out of a clear bag, let alone do proper prenatal. I just—” fuck, I was so fucked. “Can you do it? If not, I want to get her to someone who can.” I cut to the chase and tried not to think of the shit storm I was creating with my weird fucked up affection for Sadie.

  “Yes, send over everything and I’ll get her into the system. I would like to get her in for an appointment.”

  “No charge to her, okay? She’s — a friend.”

  “I got you. I’ll have Abby send you the information for her.”

  I hung up and hit my head on my desk. What the fuck was I doing?

  There wasn’t time to ponder my shit feelings. I had to call Sadie and get her scheduled for a follow up with me.

  I banged my head two more times before I picked up my phone and dialed her number.

  “Hello?”

  Goosebumps broke out on my arms from her husky voice. I rubbed them away. “Sadie, this is Dr. Nathan Valentine.”

  She gasped. “I’m so sorry! I forgot to text. I got distracted with making food, then Hailey wanted to play a game with me and then I was—”

  I cut her off. “It’s fine. I’m actually calling because we never scheduled for a follow-up appointment.”

  “Oh, yes, of course. Um—”

  I heard the crinkling of papers and her hushed voice speaking to someone.

  “Just let me know when you can get into the office and that is what I’ll put down.” I tried to reassure her. I kept the office open today for her and I would quickly do it again.

  “I work all next week and I don’t get out till five. I have to pick Hailey up from the daycare by five-thirty.”

  “All right, how about next Friday come in at six-thirty? That should give you time to get out of work, pick her up, and get to my office,” I suggested.

  “Your office is open that late?” The tone of her voice suggested she didn’t believe me.

  “I try to make sure I can help all my patients. Even if that means a six-thirty appointment.” I was a fucking liar and Patty is going to fucking have my balls for this. She hated staying past four.

  “All right, if you’re sure?”

  “Positive,” I assured her.

  “Okay, I’ll be there next Friday at six-thirty.”

  “Good,” I felt a weight fall off my shoulders. “Again, if you need something, even if it’s just some conversation, you can text me.”

  There I was, crossing fucking boundaries again.

  “Thank you, I will.”

  When I heard the silence, I knew she hung up. I leaned back in my chair, closing my eyes. I pictured her petite stature. Her hair spread out on the pillow with her eyes filled with need.

  “NATEY POO!”

  No. Fuck no.

  I knew that voice. That voice belonged to my little brother, Masen. I didn't want to deal with him right now. Or any time soon.

  My office door flung open, and Mase wore a huge grin. He had on his black baggy hoodie and black aviators. Mase was a twenty-year-old heartthrob of America. He was over six feet tall and had bright red hair and green eyes. Mase’s face peppered with a permanent five o’clock shadow. He was a superstar. At fourteen, he went to an open cast call for the Zombie-Hero show, and Mase had been an actor ever since. He was highly sought after. And, much to my horror, he was very good at it.

  “How can I help you?” My voice was flat. I loved my brother. I really did. But he was young and full of shit. I have my own issues I had to figure out.

  “I hired a new assistant.”

  My face stayed neutral. I knew better than to feed into his dramatics. “I’m glad Lily will get a break. She had been running herself ragged keeping you and Maddie Moo happy.”

  “She has a six-month-old son.”

  “Is it yours?” My question came out snarky.

  “No.” He barked. He came into my office and flopped down in a chair across from me. “It just figures that she would have a kid.”

  I sighed, closing my eyes. I knew I was going to regret this. “Why does it matter? Does having a baby interfere with her job?”

  He snorted. “No. It actually makes her better cause she can multitask like a beast.”

  “Then what?” I prayed he got his fucking point. I just wanted to finish up some paperwork and go home and not think about Sadie in my bed.

  “I think we’re cursed. The Valentines are cursed in love.”

  I snorted and leaned back in my chair. Jesus.

  “No, seriously. We can never just fall in love and have a nice fairy tale romance.” He leaned forward, pulling off his sunglasses. I saw the dark circles under his eyes.

  “What’s going on, Mase?”

  He moved away and slumped down into a chair. “I — I think I need a break. I’m so fucking confused.”

  I sighed. “Confused with love or your career?”

  “Both.” Masen’s voice sounded weary. Something a twenty-year-old should not be.

  “There is no perfect answer with your love life. But as to your career, you could take a break. It’s not like you need the money.” I knew he had to be tired. He was constantly filming something. This was the first time in a year he had been home longer than a day.

  “I already told my agent that I need a couple of months to relax. But that leaves me hanging out with Cynthia all the time, and she confuses me. I mean — I have no idea what I would need an assistant for if I am not filming.” His eyes shifted towards my window.

  I knew there was more going on with his new assistant than he was letting on. But I was letting it go. He would ask when he was ready. “You can do interviews with charities. There are other things you can do and have her do.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” His eyes continued to stare out the window, unseeing.

  I leaned back into my chair and my finger tapped rhythmically against my desk. “Do you need me to be the all-knowing big brother or, do you need me to be the fun-loving brother?”

  He finally met my eyes. “You’re so fucking weird.”

  I narrowed my eyes; he apparently didn’t want to talk more about wh
atever was bothering him. “Mase. Is there something you need me to say? If not, you need to get out of my office so I can work.”

  “Nope! You’re just a lot more fun to talk to than Ira.” He gave me his famous smirk but his eyes didn’t match the fun-loving way he was smiling.

  I won’t push, I reminded myself. Instead, I laughed. “Ah, poor baby didn’t want to be lectured on life choices and get a PowerPoint presentation on how to be better.”

  Ira, the oldest of the Valentine crotch squad. There were nine of us. Ira, Mickey, me, Sara, Julie, Masen, Maddison, Lillian, and then, at the very end, Wyatt.

  “Also, I may or may not have left his work number on one of my Instagram pics.”

  My head fell back as I laughed. I should feel bad. We all tried to get a rise out of our dear brother. He needed to be knocked off the golden pedestal he lives on every once in a while to remind him to live like the rest of us.

  Ira was the best older brother any of us could ask for. He would drop everything to come save any of us without a thought for himself. Even so, we are his younger siblings. It’s in the job title.

  “Well, I have too much shit to do right now. Go irritate Dad.” I tried to wave him off.

  He groaned. “You suck.”

  “Titties, sure do.”

  “How are you a pediatrician?”

  “How are you a superhero?”

  “I hate you.”

  “Aw, but I love you, little man. Now go play with the traffic while the adults save lives.” I winked with a full smile on my face. I missed having the immature banter. As much as his theatrics irritated me, the banter we shared relieved the weight I had in my chest.

  “You coming to dinner Sunday?” He changed the subject.

  “If I don’t, Mom will show up here, and I can’t have my staff thinking they can talk to me like she does.”

  He chuckled, nodding his head in agreement.

  I loved my mother. Dani was the best, and she raised my brother Ira and me by herself for years before my dad Liam came into the picture. She was a teen mom twice over and was about to enter empty nest syndrome with Wyatt heading off to MIT in August.

  “Yeah, you know she came to set and showed off my fucking baby pictures.” He huffed.

  “Doesn’t surprise me any.”

  Masen stood up, stretched his arms in the air. “See ya later, bro.”

  I grunted and gave the laptop my full focus.

  I placed my car in park, closed my eyes, and leaned my head back. My body and mind were exhausted from my morning shift. I knew I shouldn’t have taken it, but I needed the extra on my check. And I needed the distraction.

  Nathan’s number burned in my phone, begging me to text it. Ask about my son’s heart, see if he would be interested in a heavily pregnant girl with hormones.

  Ugh!

  “Mommy,” Hailey called my name from the back seat.

  I puffed out some air. “Yeah, baby?”

  “Can we go play today?”

  “Let’s get some lunch and we will see.”

  I glanced at my apartment complex. It was a bland grey building with crumbling bricks. The stairs were either missing in chunks or half gone. The loiters from local dealers hung out in the shadows and waited for customers or potentials. I kept telling myself it wasn’t the worst place in the world.

  I wobbled to get Hailey out of my beat-up blue Toyota. Like the place I was living at it, I kept telling myself I could have it worse. It got me where I needed to be.

  “Can I have chips for lunch?” Hailey asked as we walked up to our apartment.

  I chuckled. Because she distracted me I didn’t see him until he had me by the arm dragging me off to the side of the building. The blood chilled in my veins and my heart pounded against my chest. I pushed Hailey behind me. My eyes darted around, hoping someone would see us.

  Trey Benè.

  He was a smidge taller than me and lean. His muddy eyes and oily blonde hair made my skin crawl. His jaw was round and lined with day-old stubble.

  “Don’t know who you are looking for, darling, no one gives a shit I pulled you over here.” He laughed, squeezing my arm harder.

  I winced from the pressure, and I prayed he didn’t notice my belly. I had an enormous shirt that bagged around me and mostly hid it. I knew he got handsy. I feared Trey might figure it out.

  “What do you need, Trey?” I kept my hand on my daughter and prayed he would leave quickly.

  His thumb traced my bottom lip. “Fucking Christ, girl. You’re distracting. I remember these lips.” He smirked as he dropped his hand and grabbed the front of me. “And these lips, too.”

  I pushed him from me. “Please, not in front of my daughter.” I took another step back hoping he didn’t feel my stomach when he copped a feel.

  He nodded. Trey rubbed his hands together, leering at me. “I was wondering if you had seen Zac.”

  I shook my head. “No, I haven’t seen him since —” I lingered on the last word. We knew exactly where I was going with that sentence.

  He leaned in and his hot breath hit my ear. “You wouldn’t be lying to me, would you?”

  My breath hitched, and my eyes welled. “No, Trey.”

  His eyes scanned my face. Whatever he saw must have satisfied him. “Well, if you see him. Let him know I’m looking for him. Okay, darling?”

  My chin wobbled. “I will.”

  He walked away with his associate and I choked back a sob.

  “Mommy.” Hailey’s broken voice kicked me in gear.

  “Let’s get lunch, baby.”

  I got to the safety of my apartment. Or so I thought. When I opened the door, a shaggy-haired man with bright eyes that were identical to mine was sitting in my kitchen.

  “What are you doing here? You know Trey was just asking me about you.” I hissed, slamming my door. I turned my attention to my daughter for a moment.“Hailey baby, go to your room for a moment.” She did what I asked of her.

  Zac stood up. His hair was longer but clean. His eyes looked the clearest I had seen since we were young. My eyes scanned his arms, and I saw no new tracks. He could have hidden them, but my heart filled with hope.

  “After—” He rubbed his neck. “I knew I had to get help. I couldn’t do that to you again. I’ve been clean for ninety days now.”

  I wiped away the stray tear. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

  Zac shifted his weight between his feet. He wrung his hands. His eyes shifted around the apartment, never quite meeting mine. “I wanted to tell you how sorry I am.”

  I walked around him, pulling things out of the fridge. I couldn’t forgive him right now.

  “I’m sorry, Sadie. What I did was fucking horrible—” He paused. “I was so fucking worried about my next fix and paying Trey off. I didn’t care.”

  “It’s over now, Zac. I just want to move on and figure out how to live with the aftermath.” I knew I said too much, but maybe he wouldn’t notice the slip-up.

  “Fuck, Sadie, did he give you something?”

  I barked out a laugh. Yeah, something like that. “It’s not your concern.”

  He pulled on my arm, forcing me to face him. “It is, because it’s my fault.”

  “I’m pregnant.” I blurted.

  His face drained of color. “No.”

  I stared at my hands and sighed. “It’s done. And I’m keeping him.” I turned to face him. Zac’s face was devoid of color.

  “Trey can’t find out.” He paced the floor. “I could relapse, it’s just a matter of time. I know I will and shit. Shit, Sadie. I can’t be trusted with this.” He stopped in front of me. “He can’t know about the baby.”

  “I know.” Trey would make my life hell if he knew I was carrying his child.

  “Oh god. I have to go.” Zac breathed in his nose and let it out of his mouth. He nodded almost to himself and looked me in the eye. His eyes steeled with determination. “I’ll keep him away from you as best as I can.” He kissed the top of my
head and he left.

  I clutched my phone close to my chest. A burning desire to text Nathan came over me. I needed someone, anyone.

  Hailey peaked her face from the hallway. “Can I come out now?”

  I held back my tears as I nodded my head. “Yeah. I’m making your sandwich with chips now.”

  “The orange chips?”

  “Yes, baby. The orange chips,” I confirmed as I pulled out a bag of cheddar and sour cream chips.

  My phone laid on the counter, taunting me. He told me I could text him for anything. I set the plate in front of my daughter.

  I grabbed my phone, needing to talk to someone about something other than my encounters today. I needed a break.

  “Hey, this is Sadie.” I pressed the send button and waited.

  I looked at the clock. It read a quarter to one. I wondered if he even worked on Saturdays?

  Ugh! I shouldn’t have texted him. Nathan was my doctor, for crying out loud. He didn’t mean it when he said I could. He was probably feeling sorry for me.

  My phone dinged.

  “Hey, I’m glad you texted how are you? -N”

  My hand shook. Nathan texted back. He was happy I texted him!

  “I’m ok. I hope I’m not interrupting anything. -S” I quickly texted.

  I made myself something quick to munch on. I knew I should take Hailey to the park. She was stuck in the apartment or the daycare often.

  I looked out my tiny window placed in my barely existing living room. It was a gorgeous summer’s day. “You still want to go play at the park, Hailey?”

  She squealed, “YES!”

  My smile took over my face. “Let me finish up my food and we will head out.”

  As we left the apartment to make the walk to the park, my phone dinged.

  “Not really, just finishing up some paperwork in the office. What are you up to today? -N”

  “Worked this morning and now I’m taking Hailey to the park. -S”

  “That sounds like a plan. Wish I could go to the park instead of reading consultation requests. -N”

  I smirked. “It is a nice day out. Hopefully, you won’t spend it all day in the office. -S”

  The same warm feeling I got the other day came back as we continued to text as Hailey played. He told me the weirdest case he was on. He talked about his crazy family. And it wasn’t long before I forgot the worry and stress.